If you know me personally, it won’t come as a surprise when I admit that I am…a bit of a handful. Okay, that’s a lie…I promised honesty…so, let me rephrase that. Living with me and loving me probably feels much like embracing a hurricane 24 hours a day, 7 days a week; deadly winds, torrential downpours and lots of objects flying through the air. There, I said it. I’m a little bit nuts.
Loving Andrew, on the other hand, is much like embracing a seventy degree day with light winds and a balanced amount of sun and clouds. People skip work to enjoy weather like Andrew’s…meanwhile, I’m busy flooding the coast.
I’ve struggled with our drastically different weather patterns for a while now. To be fair, my life is a bit off keel; lots of stress, a few health issues and a job filled with people that leave me constantly on edge, but still, I’m left wondering how is someone as mild as Andrew supposed to love someone as tumultuous as me for the rest of our lives? As a matter of fact, I have spent the last year fighting an internal battle of whether or not I really deserve someone as good and loving as Andrew. There have been moments after I said or did something particularly ridiculous in which I have looked at Andrew and asked him quite seriously, “are you sure about this? Are you sure you want me for forever?” Most men would have gotten the hell out of there…many more would have at least considered it, but Andrew doesn’t even hesitate when he says, “I’m sure.”
It wasn’t until I was driving home this evening…ridiculously depressed because I had just dropped Andrew at the airport for his week-long trip to Colorado…that I realized that he could not have found another woman on this planet capable of loving him more than I do. It is my immense capability for feeling that allows me to love him the way that I do; I am a storm, sometimes a destructive one, but he sees all of the beautiful parts, the moments that make a storm so beautiful and fascinating. My intensity and passion for life and for him are not a contrast to his quite calm but instead a wonderful balance. I encourage, okay maybe force (because that’s what hurricanes do) him to participate in his life, to feel things both good and bad and he reminds me on a daily basis to take a deep breath and remember that nothing is as bad as it seems.
Most of all, I realized that I deserve him because I love him. Nothing I have ever said or done could convince him otherwise and that’s all that really matters.
