You are already intrigued. I know you are.
This title is a very short yet accurate description of what I imagine “pregnant Hayley” will be. My hesitation to have children is public knowledge…I’m not ashamed to admit that having a dependent, slobbery bundle of “joy” is not at the top of my to-do list. But my distaste for pro-creation goes beyond that of raising the child…because “dread” is not a strong enough word to describe how I feel about actually being pregnant.
I am a 24-year-old who has 3 different doctors (specialist, nonetheless) in my contact “favorites”. In the past year I have had more tests ran than most 60-year-olds have had done in their life. I’m probably dying…but I can’t confirm that yet. Needless to say…I am not exactly hopeful that a pregnancy of mine will be “easy”. I expect to have to endure most of the “side-effects”…morning sickness? Definitely. Intense heartburn? Obviously. Fatigue? Of course! I will also probably be in labor for 37 hours without any sort of pain medicine because my body will react unfavorably to it. Are you all keeping up with me here? It is really going to suck.
Aside from the health issues I am going to be hideous. Picture a less attractive version of a pregnant Jessica Simpson.
Oh for the love of God…….
I will not be one of those girls whose baby belly is perky and cute…and I can’t even begin to imagine what my already large breasts are going to decide to do with themselves. Andrew is going to be so unimpressed.
It doesn’t stop there. Some would describe me as a very emotional girl. Okay, that’s not true…everyone would describe me as a very emotional girl. I can’t see a homeless person on the street without my thoughts racing to find a solution, a way I can help. I can’t plan even a second of my wedding without being reduced to happy tears. I take everything personal and when I get hungry…or drunk I can get really really mean. Hangry & Drangry as Andrew likes to call it. I just don’t see a real smooth transition into pregnancy hormones. I will be…for the lack of a more unique term…f’ing crazy.
So you see…my pregnant future is looking pretty bleak. But, I do see a potential for an excellent blog chronicling all of the crazy and unattractiveness! So that’s something, I guess…